#i want krs to wear it

[dyinggirldied]

I love KRS as hot pretty twink with long red hair Cale but I also want more of KRS as himself: beef and scarred

[candygvvtz]

what r they talking about

[t-u-i-t-c]

chapter xlvii

[khytal]

Any chance we could see a Godot and Raymond Shields swap?

wahoo

-it was really hard to make godot look different x') like I sort of wanted him to look Normal (bc ray is kind of a normal guy who also eats paper) so he couldn't stand out too much, but it's godot so he couldn't be too plain either

so I settled on making his hair a little different, and he has a medium-sized scar on his forehead that's mostly covered by his bangs. idk how he got it but it was probably some accident. and he gets to keep his earrings (i forgot to draw them but he wears a couple of rings too)

-also he really likes coffee candy

-ray was more straightforward; I originally made his visor shape more like a chevron to resemble a shield, but then I decided to lean into a knight-themed design so now it looks like a helmet visor. I don't think he can actually wear a hat with the visor but let's pretend it works lmao

I didn't draw it but he would probably wear a black trench coat on his shoulders. like a cape :] also idk how obvious it is but most of the ray's design was inspired by ren akiyama/kr knight and zenkichi hasegawa

[we-stan-cale]

Defeating the White Star so easily relied heavily on Kim Rok Soo - not just what he learned from reading The Birth of a Hero, not just his special powers, but all his experiences, his way of thinking, all the things that made him who he was .

Fair warning, if haven't finished part 1 you might want to skip this. I'll be talking heavily about Kim Rok Soo, and I don't remember which chapters we learned this... Just that it's fairly late.

Kim Rok Soo is an analyst first and foremost. Record allows him to remember and process information at ungodly speeds, but it takes real skill to take masses of information and filter out all the irrelevant and distracting details.

Cale, as the transmigrated KRS, has that skill. He has repeatedly been able to take information from the books, information he gained as a noble (whether purchased from an information guild like what Deruth gave him at the beginning, or just reports or books he has access to) and pull it all together to find the most important factors.

Like why the crown prince might want a naval base, or why Ubarr would be a good location for one.

Or that the Mogoru Empire would want slaves for their alchemical experiments, and that that slaver noble he learned about was probably selling them to the empire (though, naturally, he found the evidence to back up his intuition. It's just knowing where to look and what to look for probably sped the process up tremendously).

And given how much he knows about the importance of any sliver of information, it's no surprise he constantly looks for sources of it.

He repeatedly asks Choi Han to capture rather than kill their enemies, and it's not just that he dislikes killing. Every captured enemy is a source of information - from the Arm member they captured at the elf village, to Cloppeh, to Syrem, to the dragon half blood... Cale learns a tremendous amount of information about the organization they are fighting. He even got the dragon half blood to lead them to one of Arm's bases on the Eastern continent.

And he's able to get even more through encounters with people like Hannah, and even the bandits on the Eastern continent that he shanghais into serving as waitstaff in his hotel.

He also denies information to the enemy as much as he can. From the silly fake uniforms that Choi Han dreads to his insistence they kill or blind the mage who saw Ron's face, he and his people are constantly able to take Arm by surprise.

Imagine if we were in Birth of a Hero, and Choi Han just straight up killed all those sources of information? And didn't wear a disguise, so he became a known opponent that the White Star could plan for and target?

Then we get into his experiences taking down corrupt guilds, which he used on corrupt nobles and priests alike. From selling of the treasures he found to the priest of the sun god, to handling the Stans and more..

He has the skills and experience - as well as an ability to quickly plan with the resources on hand and the flexibility to adjust his plans as needed - to handle almost anything thrown his way.

The foreknowledge from The Birth of a Hero and the wealth and connections he gained as a Henituse are only partially able to explain his success.

[weirdsht]

My Beautiful Stranger, My Soulmate - Cale/Fem! Reader

notes: for some reason i have a thing for continued love, maybe the reason why i'm single is because my soulmate is in another timeline/dimension /hj ... anyways this was the fic that i've wanted to write for the longest time but had no time for hehe

tags: female reader, novel spoilers (KRS' past and some war stuff), angst? not sure, continued love-esc, told in Cale's pov, one-sided admiration, strangers, Cale is whipped, mentions of abuse

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are currently closed but my ask are still open (read pinned)

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Everyone wants to have something constant in their life. Something that would keep them grounded. Something that would give them a sense of normalcy when everything else feels crazy. 

For most, a person will be their constant and their pillar. Choosing a loved one in their life that supports and cares for them. Just someone they can go through during the tough times in their life.

Kim Rok Soo’s case is the same… for the most part, that is.

The difference that sets him apart from the average person is the fact that his constant person is a stranger.

He knows what she looks like. Knows her mannerisms. Has seen her for almost his entire life.

Yet he doesn’t know her name. Doesn’t know what her speaking voice sounds like. Has never had a personal interaction with her. 

Is this considered to be a type of parasocial relationship? Maybe, but Rok Soo can’t be bothered to find out.

Kim Rok Soo’s first interaction with his constant was when he was a child. During the short while of his life where he was happy, complete. When his loving parents are still alive. That was the first time he saw her.

It was during daycare. The daycare is separated into morning and afternoon sessions. His parents had enrolled him for the morning sessions.

At first, he didn’t want to go. Even as a kid he had preferred the peace his house could offer compared to socializing with the outside world. But alas, it wasn’t like he had a choice, his parents had already enrolled him so he had to go. Plus either way, he has to attend school sooner or later.

That’s why he goes, albeit reluctantly. He participates in whatever antics the teachers/caretaker does even when all he wants to do is go back home. For him, daycare was extremely tiring.

However, all that tiredness was wiped away when dismissal arrived. And no, it wasn’t just because he was excited to see his parents and go back home.

It was actually because of the girl he saw. She was a cute kid, wearing a cute dress with her hair tied in those typical twin-tailed hairstyles girls her age would have. Rok Soo didn’t see her in daycare so she must be part of the afternoon session.

Since then, he looked forward to attending daycare just to catch a glimpse of her during dismissal.

Unfortunately, Kim Rok Soo’s life took a turn for the worse at such a young age. Tragedy had befallen upon him. His parents died and his uncle is a piece of shit that hits children. It was no surprise that he had forgotten about that pretty girl in daycare.

The universe seems to not want him to forget though.

Because then why else would he see her again in the playground he runs to whenever his uncle's house is too much? Why else she be there when they were far from the town where Rok Soo attended daycare?

‘It must be fate’

That’s what little Rok Soo thinks to himself as he watches her and her friends play on the monkey bars. He just watches them from inside the castle fortress thing that no one ever uses. The sand underneath him served as his cushion.

Sometimes he wants to join, he wants to befriend her too. But he isn’t really one for moving around, for playing such physically tiring games. Even if he was, his injuries from his beatings are stopping him from doing so. Hence why he was content with playing with the sand beneath his feet while watching her laugh as she tried to not get caught by her friend during a round of tag.

Despite what Rok Soo says, his constant isn’t as steady in his life as he wants her to be. There are long periods of his life where he wouldn’t see her.

Which was why he was internally overjoyed when he saw her not only taking the same bus as him but also going to the same library. They seem to have the same schedule, and the same free time allocated for reading books in the library. The library and the novels they held were already Rok Soo’s safe space, his constant’s presence only made it more heavenly.

Kim Rok Soo knows that his constant doesn’t know who he is. Even if he remembers seeing her almost every day, in her perspective he was just a random, faceless stranger.

However, sometimes there are incidents where he would think otherwise. Is he being delusional? Absolutely, but who would call him out? The voices in his head? His already used to blocking them out.

One incident was after the day she didn’t go to the library. Rok Soo was a bit concerned as this was the first time she skipped her usual library session. The next day after that, someone had left a canned drink on his desk. It’s the drink she usually buys from the vending machine. As a matter of fact, Rok Soo had never seen anyone else pick that drink except for her.

So sue him for being delusional, but that was definitely from his constant.

When the cataclysm started, Kim Rok Soo was sure he would never see her again.

But the universe had other plans.

No matter what happens, fate seems to be pulling them together. Intertwining their destinies.

Kim Rok Soo should be happy and should be overjoyed that he gets to see her.

However, he isn’t.

In fact, he wished he hadn’t seen her.

For maybe then he could’ve lived in ignorant bliss.

“Hurry and go! I’ll hold things down over here!”

Rok Soo’s constant commanded firmly. This is the first time he has heard her speak, and god does she sound heavenly. However, this isn’t the time for this. The eclipse is still happening, barrage after barrage of monsters is still coming after every shelter.

Still, he can’t help but admire her for a second. She’s so strong, so cool, so put together.

He just wishes she hadn’t been so selfless.

The skinny man couldn’t help but hold onto the hem of his clothes. Staring at her as if begging her to come with him using his eyes.

“I’ll be fine. You should go first, I’ll follow soon.”

Lies

Kim Rok Soo knows that she won’t be following them anytime soon. He is well-aware of the fact that after this the next time he would be reunited with her is in the afterlife.

That’s why he tries to convince her even though he knows he will ultimately fail.

Years passed after that and Kim Rok Soo never saw his constant again. How could he when she passed away? When she sacrificed herself for his sake and others.

Despite the accumulation of the time and people Rok Soo met, he never forgot her. He could never forget her. Sometimes he would just sit in silence, remembering how her voice sounded. Relishing the first and last words she spoke to him.

This did not change even after he became a team leader. As a matter of fact, the only change is that now he’s mourning for three people, instead of one.

His longing for her was strong. It did not disappear even after becoming Cale Henituse. He would still think of her despite turning over a new leaf, literally turning over a new life.

Cale longs to hold her again. This time not just the hem of her clothing but her hand. He wishes to have a proper conversation with her. Longs to ask her why she likes that canned drink that no one else drinks so much.

He longs to get to know her outside of the things he has observed. Wants to be the cause of her smile, and not merely watch others do it in his stead.

But alas, he couldn’t.

For not only is she dead, but his in another world.

Or at least that’s what he thought until he saw a familiar face standing up for him during the noble's meeting.

“Personally, I think we should just be grateful to Commander Cale Henituse. If it weren’t for him and his people then our kingdom would be in graver danger that we would not even be able to conduct such a meeting.”

She looked exactly how Cale remembered her. Her voice still has that same firmness in it, telling everyone in the room how she also wields power despite being younger than all of them.

“That’s correct young master. However, there are still some things that should be addressed. Such as that necromancer–”

“She has a name, it’s Mary. And she’s not a mere necromancer, she’s a revered hero of our kingdom. One of the people who had defended our kingdom from the Indomitable Alliance.”

Cale didn’t know he could fall deeper after all these years, but he just did.

“Due all respect my lady, but you are still young. I think your emotions are getting the best of you. Mind you that you are not even the heir of your household.”

The ugly noble tried to retaliate to which Cale’s constant only raised her eyebrows at.

“Oh my, how disgraceful… A noble pulling the age card just because his nearing his expiry age. Now forgive my disrespect, but you started it first… How dare you look down on me, the top 1% contributor to this Kingdom’s economy? I have built a name for myself outside of my family’s influence while all you have is your family’s standing. And emotional? Really? Of course, I’m emotional, the lives of our citizens are at stake and all you mongrels seem to care more about powerplay like the hungry bastards you all are. Is it because you’re not on the front lines? Is it because you think you can do what Commander Cale Henituse did? Then I dare you to do so at this very moment. Go to the frontlines and defend this kingdom you all claim to love very much!”

A deafening silence followed the young woman’s speech. Even Alberu had to take a double take. Everyone is tense, they don’t know what to say. Can’t refute what she said.

“I’m sorry for my outburst, Your Highness, Commander Cale. I simply cannot tolerate such disrespect when you are pulling most of the weight during these trying times. Please, let us proceed with our original agenda.”

Her poise never left her, even as she tore down every noble inside the room. Contrarily, the more she speaks, the more it looks as though she also possesses Dominating Aura.

At her insistence, the meeting got back on track. Most of the nobles were already silenced because of her, Alberu and Cale only had to deliver the finishing blow before wrapping everything up.

Once everything was done and settled Cale made plans to talk to his constant. Get to know her name, and finally interact with her. He knows that in her eyes his just a stranger. Someone who has no personal connections with her. But that doesn’t stop the redhead. He can always start forging their connection right here, right now.

He’ll do anything to not let her slip from his grasp once again.

And so the commander slithers his way towards where she is. He already had it all planned out; he’ll start the conversation by thanking her for standing up in Mary’s defence before asking for her name, and then he’ll let things flow naturally from there.

Despite running the simulations in his head, the only thing he could do once he was face to face with her was standing there. Face marred with shock and mouth unable to form words?

The cause?

Oh nothing much, it’s just because of her greeting.

“It’s nice to finally meet my beautiful stranger from Earth whose name I still don’t know. I’m [Name] [Lastname], may I know Commander Cale Henituse’s Earth name?”

[prisonhannibal]

nice thing of the day is a norwegian woman at the table next to me stopped me before I left a cafe at the airport and was like “are you in a hurry?” and I said no and she started talking about how beautiful my gákti is and asking if I’m going anywhere special and I said I’m going home for christmas but it’s common to wear your gákti if you need to travel with it because you don’t want to risk it getting lost if the airline loses the luggage and that there was a news article about a woman who lost her gákti that was in checked in luggage and then later found it on a website being sold for 50 000norwegian kr. and she asked if that’s how much a gákti costs and I said it’s impossible to measure because the dress itself may be made by a local woman your áhkku knows, and the belt is made by someone else, and the liidni by another person, and you can have three riskus from three different brands and my bag was handmade by my áhkku. and I have four bracelets and some were made for me and I made one of them myself. so it’s impossible to know how much money you spent and half the value is emotional and community. and she was so fascinated and says she loved learning about it and that she has sámi friends from guovdageainnu. and then she asked to take a picture of me and I was like “what are you gonna use it for?” because I’m pretty used to people just asking to take a picture of me or with me because they think it’s exotic or whatever, but she said she wanted to take pictures on MY PHONE so I could have pictures of myself in my beautiful gákti 😭😭😭 she was so nice

how did I get TWO nice things of the day at the same cafe from two different people in less than half an hour this is a great day for me. and i’ve spent most of the year being threatened and sexually and verbally harassed for wearing my gákti so nice interactions mean even more to me rn

[thegradus2]

Question, does maid Kim Rok Soo wear heels or plain shoes/boots?

(I'm trying to guess which Rok Soo is. My heart tells me is Heniroksoo, because he looks like he's looking for trouble and not trying to blind you with smile-glitter. My brain says my heart is right, he totally would do it for fun. But I want to be sure)

He wears heels, i checked

(Its heniroksoo but honestly og krs deserves to have some fun as well. Tho i guess that what tcf is for HAHAHA)

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: Buck is looking for answers!

Before 6x15 aired, I wrote a speculation post about Buck's "Therapy Uniform vs. his date clothes" (linked here) but everyone knows how the season ended with the showrunner pulling that BS by having Eddie revert back to being a giggly high school student who acted like an 18-year-old that didn't know how to ask a woman out on a date. And Buck literally made the same mistake by sleeping with a woman he just met who only wanted one thing from him but I digress. It still pisses me off, so I won't revisit it.

Also, I did a post after 6x13 aired (linked here) about Buck finding the answers (Eddie and Chris) because when he said he was the guy with the answers, he looked at Eddie.

Anyway, after TM (showrunner, GLAD HE'S BACK so KR can kick rocks and go write an episode) released more cryptic Buck, Eddie and Chris pictures at dark o'clock Saturday night or Sunday morning (depending on your time zone), I revisited my theory about Buck's therapy uniform but now I've revised it. He does wear one but the reason he does is a lot narrower in scope. Even though I still believe he wears specific colors or a "uniform" per say for certain things, I realized after doing some analysis that whenever he wears a Gold/Bronze/Burnt Orange/Dark Orange or a Brown shirt with navy-blue or dark colored pants, he's LOOKING FOR ANSWERS!

That's the difference between my original post and this one and I have photos from each episode to prove my updated theory. Before I delve into this, I need to mention there are two pictures from season 6 that contain the colors but BE WARNED, the pictures included deal specifically with the COUCH METAPHOR 🙄🙃. I know, I know... the season ended with Buck asking ND to help him find a couch but full disclosure, after I started working through my frustration with the way the season ended by writing a huge fanfic, I took a closer look at their whatever the hell they were doing (it wasn't a relationship) and I don't think it was meant to be interpreted that way. I won't go into it here in my CANON posts but if you want to know my thoughts on it, I've included them in my love for FANON writing in my multi-chapter fanfic titled "I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!".

Now, let's get into this topic and review Buck's looking for answers uniform.

In 4x2, Buck was looking for ANSWERS from Dr. Copeland and he said, "I think you were right when you said I hide my true feelings from others".

In 4x3 Buck told Maddie and Chimney he was seeing a therapist to help him find the ANSWERS and he started to find them but then everything went to $hit when the Buckley parents showed up.

In 4x4, Buck showed up at Maddie's and Chimney's apartment looking for ANSWERS about his parents and that's when he found out about Daniel.

In 4x8, Buck was lost and trying to find ANSWERS because guess who started dating again? EDDIE! And he was getting ready to introduce AF to Chris but Chris got upset and ran away and took an Uber to Buck's loft.

In 4x11, Buck and TK were FRIENEMIES (not friends even though he believed they were) so he contacted her and asked her for help because he wanted to find the ANSWERS regarding who hit Sue Blevins and ran.

In 4x14, Buck wore his "looking for ANSWERS" uniform twice and BOTH TIMES his quest involved Eddie! The first time was when he was packing more clothes to go to Eddie's house so he could keep taking care of Chris. That's when he got the call from AF after TK kissed him and ran so I've included two pictures so his shirt can be seen better while he's sitting at Eddie's beside. He was looking for answers about Eddie being shot in front of him and his heart being ripped out of his chest when it happened.

The second time he was looking for ANSWERS, he was in the hospital talking to Eddie during THE WILL REVEAL! 🤪😜

In 5x3, Buck was once again looking for ANSWERS about his relationship but reminder, he went home to an empty loft after he told Eddie during the blackout to break up with AF🤪.

In 5x4, he was looking for ANSWERS about Maddie and why she left him again even though she promised him she wouldn't in 3x16. Did she tell him she was leaving, YES! But reminder, she didn't tell him where she was going and all he told Chimney was "It's what she does, leave".

In 6x1, at the end of the episode, Buck was looking for ANSWERS again but this time it was about his couch or the lack thereof. At the beginning of the episode, he cooked dinner for him and his Diaz boys and they made fun of him for not having one even though THEY WERE SITTING RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIM. He missed the fact that they were waiting for him and had been since he broke up with TK and he still didn't get it. The picture shows Buck carrying his armchair (which is the same color of the shirt he wears when he's looking for answers) and he moved it to where his couch once sat.

In 6x4, Buck was looking for ANSWERS again when he was trying to decide if he should be Connor's sperm donor.

In 6x12, Buck was lying on the couch looking for ANSWERS about his death but reminder, the color of the couch is close to the color of his armchair but it's hard to see. He's wearing a navy-blue t-shirt while lying on that uncomfortable orange couch his mother bought even though he told her HE'D FIND ONE ON HIS OWN.

In 6x15, Buck was looking for ANSWERS about the fact that he died but ND was fangirling over him so hard that he LIKED the attention she was giving him then he said that Bull$hit to Eddie about her seeing him and Buck and Eddie went back to making the same mistakes. Eddie let people (**cough** Pepa and **cough** Bobby) tell him he should date instead of finding his own way. And Buck tried to make another woman like him when in fact all she wanted was his "Firehose".

In 6x17, he was still looking for ANSWERS but this time it was answers regarding how to calculate the tip at the bar he took ND to and that's when LD showed up and insinuated, they hooked up when she knows they didn't. Reminder, Buck could only do math when he was with Eddie and Chris and the firefam but he couldn't calculate $hit when he was on a date with ND🤪🙃😁😉.

Finally, in Season 7 (TM didn't specify which episode the scene below will appear in his cryptic post), Buck's wearing his LOOKING FOR ANSWERS colored shirt again. The color pants he's wearing while he sits on Chris' bed can't be seen but based on 6x13 when Chris wanted Buck to give him the answers to his math homework and since Chris is clearly doing homework in the picture, it's possible he's asking Buck to help him but he doesn't have the answers anymore because his special skills wore off after 6x13 which just so happened to be the episode the Buckley-Diaz family was together 90% of the time.

What, if anything, does all this mean? I'm not speculating but will Buck finally find the answers in Season 7 or will it be more of the same, him looking for answers while Eddie tries to make another relationship work with someone he doesn't want to be with or will Buck and Eddie finally TALK about all their traumas and confess how much they love each other? Only TM, the producers and the actors know the answers to that question.

[puuta-heinaa]

Joker Out, Paris (Café de la danse) 22.3.2024

I arrived at the venue around 14ish, and was third to last in the EE queue. However queueing is part of the party! I exchanged sooo many bracelets and met amazing people, some of which I just met that day, some I knew from Discord or tumblr or earlier gigs, couldn't have been happier. Got selfies with Bojan and Jan?? Hug from Bojan??? HELLO. That would never happen in Finland. I described his hug as jämäkkä and turvallinen, which roughly translates to sturdy and safe.

Some of the bracelets I made for the concert!

Met someone in the queue who had hawk's eyes and who encouraged me to go and ask for a selfie with Jan, and later on she spotted Bojan on the street 100 m before everyone else did. I had a chance to give Bojan 3 2 ananaslonkero -bracelet that I'd made, with a tiny drink charm. If the main joke in fandoms is that a hug from your blorbo would cure you? well it's true. Getting a hug from Bojan removed some stiffness between my shoulder blades that I didn't even know was there. It was literally easier to breathe after the encounter. I also kept vigorously shaking for 3-5 minutes afterwards, so much that some people asked if I'm ok. Just released years worth of trauma ig. Also LOTS of happy hand stims throughout the day, my autism was showing lol.

Jan was outdoors SMOKING!!! And Bojan had charmingly dirty hair! He was taller than I had thought.

ANYways the gig !! I ended up on Jance side, which was nice as I was on Kris' side in Helsinki. Whole stage was about as wide as K-18 section at Kultsa, and I think they suit better on smaller stages.

We got Vem da Gres and Gola in soundcheck! I was wearing Vem da gres -bracelet that I got in Helsinki a few weeks ago and thought about that person for a few seconds!

Gola was ok. Bojan got disney mickey ears, and he was wearing my 3 2 ananaslonkero bracelet. Bojan also got a maca plushie that he was NOT scared of, he even made it fly.

Kris left the stage as soon as the last notes of Gola were over, other boys stayed jamming in accelerating speed for couple of more minutes. I showed them my UM sign that only read "I want to sing UMAZAN" at that point. :')

20h02 was ok, didn't connect with their music at all though. JC Stewart seemed a bit sick, but sounded good nevertheless. Finished my sign.

They started with Katrina and Bele Sanje, and people were singing even guitar riffs along. Dopamin hit like dopamine followed by Ne bi smel, Nace was staring at me several times during those songs.

Liinu's superb edit of staring sc Nace and struggling Kris and Arcti's edit about Jan's forgotten library books made my day

People were already singing along to Sta bih ja, and Bojan was sooo happy (and sweaty. We were all very sweaty, the concert hall was ridiculously warm.). Kris disappeared for a moment in the beginning of Sta bih ja, and Bojan looked like a lost puppy (wait, where is kris?? about 5-10 seconds into sta bih ja). Bojan said Kris didn't like how Jan played the riff and that's why he left the stage :P. Jan flipped a bird to him.

Decibels raised by about 20 when they played Ona and Demoni. Turns out they might be the easiest to sing along for absolutely everyone, not just for people who speak Finnish. Bojan looked me directly into eyes during second verse of Demoni for several seconds, and I felt so seen (in a good way). EE was definitely worth its price.

In Helsinki I felt like the setlist was over before it even started, but in Paris it felt more like we were really dancing and playing until the stars fade. I think it had something to do with how much they interacted with each other and with the public during each song. In Helsinki they seemed like they had forgotten how to be on stage, and there was just TOO MUCH SPACE, whereas Paris had Nordic Tour energy.

They all moved a LOT on stage!! Kris was on jance side several times! Nace had a mating dance thingy going on with Kris at least twice, Jan once. Jan interacted with the public on Kris's side a few times. Bojan almost run into Kris at one point - no wonder he caressed Kris's arm to let him know he's there before grapping his hips?? and dancing behind him??? during Behind those eyes. It's cafe de la danse after all.

Def thinking "THIS is how we'll trend on tumblr tonight" right after the famous dance

Everybody's waiting and soooooo many people raised hands when Bojan asked in his spiel before the song if anyone here suffers from panic or anxiety attacks, and I think it made everyone feel less alone. He sang I'm the problem it's me -line to make things a bit lighter before proceeding to the song.

We got Omamljeno Telo and I felt SOOOO HAPPY (but also sad for Moonu) but also SOOOO HAPPY it was on the setlist, I think I screamed VITTU JES on top of my lungs (manifesting it for Ruisrock huh). Famous water spray on Jan during OT, and it shows I've grown old, because instead of "yeeeess I want Bojan's spit on me" I went "rat disease, why am I not wearing a mask".

Everyone sang along during CD, not in French though even if there was a fanproject French translation published a whole 28 hours before(....). Plastika hit like a hammer once again, but I think I was already waiting and stressing for UM, so I didn't mosh for example. Which, good idea, because my neck was soooo sore after Helsinki.

Bojan announced the karaoke song, and asked which versions we have today. He saw my sign, asked "Slovenian version?", to which I "said" (from 4th row on Jan+Nace side) Finnish version, and he heard it and corrected himself and said perfect. I was not afraid at all even if I knew I'm probs going to sing in front of about 500 people in 5ish minutes???? How??? I'm usually a ball of anxiety but here I was just proud and excited to sing my version of it.

I loved the Bretogne/French version (I've still no idea what were the words, but it rhymed super well and she sang well, but that was def NOT paris region French), cringed at some of the "translations" because they did not fit the lines and did not rhyme, sang along to Slovenian versions in Finnish, felt bad for one of them as the karaoke singer started at the wrong moment and Bojan spent most of their special moment trying to orchestrate the band.

When Bojan approached with "I think we still have a Slovenian version, OH NO, A FINNISH VERSION" I chortled, and felt the last bits of nervousness disappear. (Cue "some boat, titanic, oh no".) I had my ACTUALLY finger pointing moment, which, on point with my personality, telling him it's a hybrid version. I don't know what he meant with SUOMI SAA, but it was NOT full-on Suomi SAATANA, that much is certain. I quite like the idea/interpretation he was making a pun with SAA(tan)Are you ready? But who knows. Sad about missed chance to answer "ArE YoU???" now that I think about it, but at least I wasn't the only one who failed the moment :') . Speaking of cursewords though, a histronic youngster next to me did shout vittu though! I loved my spot but she was super annoying throughout the evening.

The Finnish version is in the beginning of this one, and the Arabic version right after Finnish version is AMAZING. The French version is on the first part, as well as Bojan going "uuu Finnish version? perfect".

Started in Slovene, which made him have a Ok?? face, but when I switched to my own Finnish version that rhymes with the Slovene version, he raised his brows and seemed so impressed that I just nodded to him, sending telepath(et)ic messages that yes, our languages match and rhyme, about time you collaborate with Jere. I think he remembered I asked for a hug in the afternoon, because he did not hug everyone during karaoke. Afternoon hug was better btw.

I love his little surprised smile right when I finish the first Finnish line on this one

I usually think quite a lot about how other people perceive me, but now I didn't give a single fuck, just enjoyed being the main character for 20 seconds, having this interaction with my blorbo. Forever grateful for the 4 different angles I received from friends I made in the queue, and 1 from a random guy who asked me after the concert if I'd like to receive a video he took of me singing. Even Vita was filming the whole thing with her big light + camera + phone ensemble. I often sing in my car, and even IMAGINING i'm singing karaoke makes my voice suddenly tiny and weak and compressed, so I'm overflowingly glad it went this well, you have no idea even if I've just bragged about it for 4 paragraphs.

I later realised I was the only one who didn't hold the mic themself, this is a clear example how I objectify the boys, seeing Bojan just as a mic stand.🫣😵‍����

I got fluent Kiitos from Bojan, that guy needs to move to Finland he speaks Finnish so well. Also LMAO I forgot to sniff him in the afternoon, now I'm praying the snifff I took after karaoke wasn't too evident and doesn't show on Vita's video……….. Jere is wrong, Bojan does not smell like shit, but there were no parfume smell either? He just smells like nothing in a pleasant, pheromone rich way lol.

my translation: Sanje so tvojega okusa Aamuihin taas tuoksusi Neula ei haarukassa Sieluni on hukassa Etsimässä tietään luoksesi

I haven't figured how to translate the first line. I've been playing with "Makus' on tarrannut uniini", but it does not rhyme with the og well enough. Otherwise super proud of my version. Neula and haarukka are parts of compass, basically saying the compass is layed on the map the wrong way. 🧭

This is how small the place was??? I was in 3/4th row, and the hat guy in the right corner was right behind me during the concert so the club truly was tiny.

Apparently bubbles were not allowed on stage in Cafe de la danse? But some people had brought their own so we had bubbles anyway.

Jure exchanged his drumstick to a breadstick. I laughed because a) it was a clever pun and b) such a stereotypically French thing to bring a BAGUETTE wrapped in a napkin to a concert. Also no wonder boys are always sick, I don't even want to know how many people touched that bread before it was on stage.

Life is pain (in mouths)

We waited for the boys after the concert outside the venue in the rain, and they walked past quite quickly. Bojan stayed for 30 seconds to take a group selfie. <3

Honestly so happy I traveled there and met amazing people and surpassed myself on so many levels.

I feel like 2004 again, because that's when I last made a post this long on livejournal and also when I last was this hyped about a group.

I loved band's AMAZING OUTFITS in Café de la danse, everyone had some idrija lace on them, and I'm afraid my next special interest will be bobbin lace.

[taruusmoon]

I MISS YOU, AND I’M SORRY, BADA LEE

a/n: Dal means moon in kr, and dalbit means moonlight. Used of Minka Kelly as adult Jessica, and Natalia Azahara as young Jessica. English is not my first language in sorry if there is something bad.

Masterlist

Chapter1: The Beginning.

There were two things Jessica could never change about herself, no matter how old she was. And those were that she didn't know how to say no and that she was always going to want to see Bada Lee one last time. And those were the main reasons why she was currently inside a recording room at Nemare Record, with a woman touching up her hair and a guy placing a small microphone in her white blouse, about to tell her worst love story for the documentary of the woman who had broken her heart so many times many years ago. 

     “Do you feel comfortable?” asked the girl in charge of the interview, who was sitting across from her with a soft smile and a spark of excitement in her eyes. “We'll do this as quietly as possible and I'll go at your pace, okay?”

      Jessica nodded without saying anything. The truth was that she felt quite comfortable; she didn't think it would be difficult to tell her side of the story, and also, for some strange reason, the girl gave her a sense of security and confidence, even if she didn't even know who she was, her name, or the relationship she had with the Lee sisters.

“May I know what your name is?” Finally, after thinking about it for a long time, Jessica asked. “I thought the person who was going to interview me was Juliana”

     “I've been waiting for that question since you passed that door." the girl with the big round eyes answered with a smile. “But I think I'll tell you later. Juliana was going to be the interviewer, but there were some sudden changes. I hope you don't mind.”

     “Oh no, don't worry about me; it's fine” she replied. “It's just that you remind me of someone.”

     The girl smiled but didn't answer; instead, she looked at the door of the office.

     “You're ready” murmured the girl who was fixing Jessica's hair. “You have very nice hair.”

     In a soft way, Jessica murmured a thank-you, accompanied by a smile, and the girl said goodbye with the man who had been in charge of placing the small microphone in her blouse. Soon, Lindsey, the main producer of the documentary and the one who had insisted so much on her participation, approached the interviewer, talked about some other changes in the interview, and handed her a notebook full of notes.

“Hey Jess” the door to the recording studio opened, and in walked Brody Rosales with a big smile on his lips and open arms, ready to wrap Jessica in a tight hug. “It's been so many years; how do you feel about the lights? Don't they make you uncomfortable?”

      “The truth is, I don't know how I should feel," she replied with a wrinkled nose. “It’s been a long time since I've been in front of a camera with so many lights. 

     Brody let out a laugh along with Lindsey, causing a slight smile on Jessica's face.

     “Don't worry, you look good” Lindsey said, walking with Brody behind the cameras to sit in the chairs. “I don't want to rush, but it's time to start the interview" she said, looking at Jessica for a few minutes before proceeding. “Whenever you are ready, Jessica.”

     With a long breath, she wiped the sweat from her hands on the satin pants she was wearing. “I think I'm ready.”

Brody nodded and raised his hand, giving a signal to the assistant cameraman. The boy placed the clapperboard in front of the lens and made it sound, starting the interview that would give way to all the memories of what Jessica once lived. 

     “Tell me Dal” The girl began to speak when the man behind the camera indicated her. Jessica felt her heart pound against her chest, surprised that the girl in front of her had called her by a name she had refused to use again. “Tell us about your start in this story: where you were born and how you met the Lee sisters.”

     “I was born in Colombia on June 1, 1976” she began after a few seconds, still surprised at what had just happened. “My mother died in childbirth, and I was left in my father's custody until he also died of an overdose when I was eight years old. Since then, my aunt has taken care of me.”

     “How did you come to the United States?”

     “When I was nine years old, my aunt was given the opportunity to move to Los Angeles because the company she worked for opened a branch here, and they were looking for experienced people to work here. We were not a family that had everything, but my grandparents fought for their children to have an education so they could have a good job.”

      “Was it there that you met the Lee sisters?”

“Yes” she said as she tried to remember more accurately how the sisters had entered her life. “First, I met Seoyoung. We went to the same school and the same class, but we didn't share classes, so I didn't talk to her at that time. It wasn't until I met Bada in guitar lessons that my aunt thought of enrolling me. There weren't many of us; the teacher only accepted four students per class, so it was just Bada, two other girls, and me. We didn't become friends right away because she is older than me by three years, nor did we have anything in common except that we were both forced to be there.”

      “Didn't you like the guitar?” asked the girl with a smile. 

      “It's not that I didn't like it” she replied, lifting her shoulders. “I just didn't like it; I preferred other kinds of sounds, and I loved the drums, but my aunt didn't like it very much, and she didn't really listen to my opinion. She also said that the guitar would look better than the drums in my student curriculum, so I didn't say anything back and just obeyed her; after all, I owed her my life.”

      “How was your relationship with her? Did you get along with her?”

“Yes, she has been my mother figure since I was born” Jessica said sincerely as she felt a small pain settle in her chest at the memory of her. “I loved her too much, and I will never forget her.”

      “My condolences Dal” there it was again—the damn name she hated so much. With a long sigh, Jessica gave a dull smile.

      “Don't worry about that; that part of the story comes much later” she denied it in an attempt to erase the melancholic air that suddenly flooded the place. “Let's continue with Bada. As I said before, we didn't talk at first because we had nothing in common. However,  she had an energy that captivated you; she made me laugh with her witticisms, so after the first guitar recital we had, I talked to her. I wasn't outgoing, but Bada Lee was outgoing for me, so we quickly became inseparable. And when I entered the same high school as her, then it really started.”

˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗

“Bae Dal, Bae Dal!”

     A thin voice that Jessica quickly recognized drilled her ears as she walked through the halls of Westcoast High School. She immediately turned around to find Bada Lee, her best friend and loyal confidant. The girl ran quickly with an excited expression on her face, and when she was closer to Bae Dal, she opened her arms to wrap them around her.

      “You finally came, Bada Lee” Jessica told her as she rested her head on her hair. Bada was barely two inches taller than her, despite being older.

      “What class are you in? Do you want a ride?” Bada asked with curiosity in her voice. 

     “No, don't worry" Jessica replied as she separated. “The principal has given a sophomore girl permission to show me around; she's in the cafeteria right now.”

     “Okay, then come with me; I want you to officially meet Seoyoung.”

     Without a squeak, Jessica nodded quite excitedly, and the two started walking with their arms intertwined to the cafeteria. Jessica knew Seoyoung only by sight; she was a year younger than Bada's younger sister, but they were still in the same grade because Jessica had entered high school a year earlier. They didn't share any classes or the same social circle, but people liked to associate them because they were both of Asian descent, and everyone thought they were family or friends just because of that.

“I've never talked to your sister” Jessica said to Bada when the two of them spotted Seoyoung in the dining room line.

      “There's always a first time for everything, Dalbit” she replied, pulling her arm to her sister's side. 

     When Seoyoung noticed the girls, she looked at Bada with a smile and at Jessica with a surprised gesture. There, Bae Dal understood that she didn't know that Bada and she knew each other, nor that they were friends, but she didn't really care either. 

      “Lusher, this is Bae Dal” Bada pointed at her, and Seoyoung smiled friendly. "Remember I told you I had a best friend in guitar lessons? Well, it’s her.”

      “I know who Bada clearly is” Seoyoung replied. “But I didn't know you were friends. Nice to finally meet you, Jessica.”

     Jessica smiled and replied, "Nice to meet you." Bada didn't say anything else, and as soon as Seoyoung took her food, she led them to her group of friends to sit next to them. Jessica didn't have many friends in high school except for Valerie Monroe, a girl she had met in middle school, but at that moment she didn't know where she was, and she didn't feel like looking for her; she would see her in calculus class.

“Are you ready to tell dad today?” Seoyoung asked Bada while peeling a tangerine. "Taeyoung has been so excited that she won't put down the guitar for anything. ”

      “Yes, I know. I didn't think Tata would be so serious when we told her we wanted to form a band” Bada laughed.

      “What band are you talking about?” Jessica interrupted as she uncovered the small container where her aunt had put the lunch she had prepared for her. 

      “Lusher and I have been thinking too much about how we want the band to become something real” Bada said. 

     A long time ago, Bada and her sisters started playing songs from other bands in the basement of their house. The sisters' father had an old drum set inherited from one of his uncles and had taught Seoyoung how to play it; since then, she has insisted that her sisters play some songs together. All three were big fans of rock bands, and with the enthusiasm they had, it didn't take long for them to find themselves wrapped up in the desire to become one of them.

“I firmly believe that we would be one of the greatest rock bands of all time.”

      Bada Lee blurted out the words so confidently that Jessica believed her without question. She knew how persevering her best friend was; she knew how hard she would work; and she knew she was capable of sacrificing anything, even what they were about to build.

     Three weeks after that conversation, Jessica found herself sitting in the basement of the Lee sisters' house for the first time, listening to the compositions Bada had created. 

      “It sounds amazing, Bada!” she shouted with excitement as she clapped her hands. “I really think that you guys have something different and that if someone listens to you, then they would make you sign a contract immediately.”

      “The problem is that no one listens to us” said Taeyoung, the youngest of the three sisters and the guitarist of the group. “We're too young to play anywhere, and dad still doesn't take us very seriously.”

     Taeyoung was right; she was only ten; Seoyoung was twelve; and the only one who could be considered older was Bada, who had just turned fifteen. They had no chance; they couldn't play in local bars; they couldn't play in a high school because Taeyoung hadn't attended one yet; they had no way to make themselves heard in the crowd.

“How about inviting your friends to the Bada rehearsals?” Jessica said with a hesitant expression, receiving a confused look from the girls. “Your friends have more friends; you can invite them to the basement to listen to you, and they will spread the news. You can start creating a small group of listeners.”

      The sisters weren't convinced at first, but they agreed anyway, convinced their parents to let them open the basement door, and six months later they had at least twenty-five teenagers sitting on the sidewalk in the garage having fun. At the end of the year, Westcoast High School invited them to play at the prom.

˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗

“You'd never been to her house before then? 

     “Never” Jessica answered. “Bada and I saw each other only twice a month for guitar lessons, so my aunt didn't know her very well and wouldn't let me go to her house. It was finally in high school that she got to know Bada and her parents; they became close friends, and until then, I was finally able to visit her.”

“Understandable” the girl laughed and continued. “So thanks to you, The Rivers became known in the neighborhood?”

      “No, of course not” she shrugged her shoulders and denied. "I only gave the idea; they, with their talent, made sure that Bada's friends brought more friends, and those friends brought more friends. If they weren't good enough, even if I paid all the kids in the neighborhood, they wouldn't see them again. 

    “What happened after that? Did you and Bada stay friends the whole time?”

    “After you played at the prom, a lot more schools wanted them. They played at homecomings, proms, and even started playing at a sweet sixteen for a girl or two in the neighborhood. They were making a name for themselves through hard work.”

“What about you and Bada?” she insisted again with the question in a different way.

      “We remained friends, although we spent less time together because she was always rehearsing or studying. We both quit guitar lessons, then Bada entered college, so Seoyoung and I were left alone in high school and stopped seeing each other even more, but we always tried to visit each other anyway. I don't think either of us wanted to leave the friendship, and we were constantly fighting with time to not get separated.” Jessica paused for a moment, frowning in an attempt to remember more accurately everything that had happened in her high school days, then continued. “But there was a moment when I turned seventeen that we parted ways for good. I moved away from Seoyoung in high school and started hanging out with other kinds of friends. I tried alcohol and cigarettes for the first time. And I also left Bada aside because I wanted to shut up the feelings that had suddenly invaded me.

“What kind of feelings Dal?” she was careful to ask, but still, the question took Jessica by surprise. She hadn't expected to get to that part of the story so soon. “If you want, we can stop for a moment.”

      “No” Jessica said, looking at the girl straight in the eye as she searched for the right words. “The truth is that I realized that I liked Bada long before when we were still in high school; however, I understood the feelings until that moment, even though I denied it for many reasons, but the main ones were because she was older than me and because she was a woman. And I could not like a woman. I avoided her from that moment on; when she called me, I would tell her that I had somewhere to go, and when she came to visit me, I would tell my aunt to take care of her and tell her I was not there. I am aware of the damage I caused her, and I think that somehow everything that happened afterwards was my karma.”

      “How much longer could you avoid her? I have known Bada for a long time and I know how persistent she can be.” At the girl's words, Jessica couldn't help but laugh. She was right; Bada was the most insistent person that could exist in her life. 

     “It lasted me a little more than a year” she answered with a smile. “And it would have lasted longer if it wasn't for how intense Bada is.”

˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗

“How much longer do you plan to avoid me, Jessica? 

     As soon as she heard the voice, Bae Dal put down the cup of espresso she was preparing on the table and slowly turned around. Bada had a furious expression on her face that softened a bit when Jessica's round brown eyes looked up at her in surprise.

    “When were you planning to tell me that you were working here? Why didn't you tell me that Aunt Lorena has a heart problem?”

     Jessica didn't know what to say; she couldn't find the right words to answer Bada’s questions, and she didn't wanted to answer them either. She hadn't started working at Pope's cafeteria because she wanted to; she had done it because her aunt Lorena had been fired from her job and hadn't been able to get a new one because of her illness. 

     “Are you going to answer me, Jessica?” Bada raised an expectant eyebrow and leaned her arms on the counter. Jessica felt her stomach hurt because Bada never called her Jessica.

“As you can see, I am working, Bada, and if you will excuse me, I have tables to attend.”

     She picked up her coffee cup again and walked out to the table area in the direction of an adult couple who had ordered an espresso. Bada, as insistent as she was, walked away from the counter and followed her around the restaurant with furrowed brows, annoyed at being ignored. 

      “Didn't you want to be like a preschool teacher or something?” Bada said behind Jessica, and Jessica ignored her as she put the coffee on the customers' table. “What are you doing working here? You should be in college; Seoyoung told me you got a scholarship at the University of California.”

      Suddenly Jessica started to get exasperated with Bada's words, and without a second thought, she turned around and confronted her. “Enough Bada!”

     Bada stopped and opened her mouth in astonishment. The people at the tables looked at them in silence, and then the kitchen door opened, revealing Pope with a spatula in his hand. The man in his late sixties stared at Jessica and then looked at Bada.

“Take a break Jess” he said, and then walked back into the kitchen. 

     In an attempt to fill herself with patience, Jessica took a long breath, then let the air out and carelessly grabbed Bada's arm to pull her to one of the tables, pulled out a chair, sat her down on it carelessly, and then sat herself in the chair in front of the older girl. Bada folded her arms and raised her eyebrows attentively at what Jessica was going to say to her; she didn't look at all guilty of the scolding they both knew Pope would give Jessica when she left for her interruption. 

      “Things got difficult, Bada” she finally found the courage to say. “Lorena has a heart condition that makes it impossible for her to continue working at the company, and it's been hard to keep the house. I had to drop out of college because the scholarship didn't pay for one hundred percent of the tuition, and what i earned here at Pope's barely covers the expenses of the house and my aunt's insurance.”

      “So when things get tough, do you just disappear?” Bada frowned and leaned her arms on the table to get a little closer to her best friend. “You know my parents would be willing to help you if I asked them. I don't know. We could lend you a hand with buying food every month; you know, it's not something that's impossible for us.”

“You don't understand, Bada” Jessica muttered, taking a long breath. "I don't want people to look down on us; I don't want your parents to deal with this. I know I can do it myself.”

      “No Dal the truth is that I don't understand. I know you can do it alone, but you don't have to.” Bada denied and took her hands on the table. Jessica immediately turned to look at the people in the restaurant, but no one was looking at them. “I don't understand why you can't accept our help, and I don't understand why all this has to be a reason for you to stay away from me.”

     The older Lee was right; Lorena's illness and leaving college were not reasons for Jessica to stop talking to her. And in fact, they weren't; Dal hadn't distanced herself from Bada because of that. The real reason was that a year ago, in the middle of one of the band's rehearsals, she finally understood why her heart beat stronger every time Bada smiled at her in the middle of a song, and also that her skin prickled every time she took her hands in her to help her move her fingers over the strings of her bass when it occurred to her -out of nowhere- to give her lessons on how to play the bass. But clearly, that was not something she could tell her, so she decided it was best to cut the subject short.

“I'm sorry Bada I..." she stammered knowing that as soon as she apologized Bada would forget everything. “I'm really sorry, it's just that everything has been so overwhelming that I didn't know how to tell you, and I also didn't want you to stop paying attention to the band by listening to my problems. I didn't think about avoiding you my whole life, but then I got into college so I stopped having even more time. I couldn't find the time to talk to you again.”

     Long ago Seoyoung had secretly told Jessica about how Bada could forgive her anything and move on. And at that moment she knew she wasn't wrong, because as soon as the apology left her mouth, Bada took a seat in the chair next to her and hugged her. She didn’t asked more questions, questioned her decisions no more and simply forgot that Jessica had avoided her for over a year. 

      “Just don't do it again Dalbit, please.”

Jessica didn't answer her because she didn't feel brave enough to promise she wouldn't do it again; she wasn't so sure she wouldn't do it again if she felt insecure about her feelings for Bada again. She just let the girl hug her; after all, she had missed her all that time they didn't talk.

˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗

“So you used the "power" you had over her to get her to forgive you?” the interviewer asked, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. 

      “It wasn't that I had power over Bada” she clarified. “Neither of us could really resist the other when it came to apologies. I would rather believe that we were each other's weak points.”

      “I see, and what happened next? Did everything go back to the way it was before?”

      “For the most part yes. I went back to attending her rehearsals whenever I could; her parents helped us with food expenses, and Lorena slowly started getting better every day until she managed to get a job again. Everything seemed to get better all of a sudden.”

      “What about your feelings? How did you manage to hide them and go back to acting as her best friend for so long?”

      “I guess I was a very good actress because nobody found out or suspected anything; everything went on as normal until Bada turned twenty and I was eighteen.”

     The girl didn't say anything; she just looked at Jessica expectantly because she knew what was coming since she had heard that part of the story some time ago, but from another mouth and another perspective.

“Two days after her birthday, Bada wanted to teach me how to play the new song he had composed” Jessica explained slowly, almost not wanting to continue. “Things became more intimate that morning without us noticing, and then Bada kissed me. It wasn't the best kiss; she only pressed her lips against mine for less than five seconds and then broke away. But just those short seconds were enough to change our lives.”

˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗

Even if it had already been two days since Bada Lee's birthday, the cake was not over. The girl's parents had made a big celebration with a huge vanilla cake that was Bada's favorite. And the truth was that Jessica wasn't complaining; she loved vanilla cake, so every time she went to the kitchen, she would take a small piece of cake after asking permission from Bada's mother.

     “Jessica, I already told you, you don't have to ask for permission” Bada's mother said with a smile without taking her eyes off the TV, where a concert of a well-known alternative rock band was playing. 

     Without another word, Jessica went into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and took out a glass tray to cut a piece of cake. She put the tray away again and walked out of the kitchen towards the basement with a plastic plate in her hand. Bada's mom watched her with a smile on her lips until she saw her pass the basement door. 

     “You're going to make yourself sick to your stomach if you keep eating so much cake, Dal” Bada scolded her, sitting on the old leather couch, as she quietly and patiently tuned the strings of her bass guitar.

That morning, Bada had woken her up very early. After Pope had given her the morning off they had decided to have a sleepover since Bada was very nervous about the performance they were going to have that night. A well-known bar in Los Angeles area had contacted the sisters' father and had hired them for three hours to play at the owner's daughter's twenty-first birthday party. It was by far the biggest event the band had managed to get booked for, and after talking for hours, the girls convinced their parents to accept, although they too had to attend since Seoyoung and Taeyoung were still minors. 

      “I want to show you something; come here.” Bada took the plate from Jessica and put it on a small table next to the sofa, then took her by the hand and sat her on the sofa. “I've composed a new melody, and I want to show it to you.”

      “You know that playing guitar and bass is different, right.” Jessica complained, but she still let Bada put her arm around her waist to place Jessica’s right hand on the strings and her left hand on the neck.

“I know” Bada whispered very close to Jessica's ear, causing a little shiver to run down her spine. “But somehow, you always manage to learn everything I teach you.”

     Bada wasn't lying; Jessica had a rare facility for learning to play instruments and could even play some of the band's songs on the drums. Seoyoung always hinted to her that she could be the second guitarist, and even Taeyoung, on many occasions, gave her, her own guitar while she concentrated on the vocal part. However, being part of a band was not within Jessica's desires, nor did she want to be famous; her place was backstage, waiting excitedly for the hugs Bada gave her every time they finished a performance. 

     When Bada put her hand on Bae Dal's hand and began to move her fingers on the strings, Jessica held her breath. Jessica felt nervous even though the girl always taught her to play her songs in the same position, she still couldn't get used to feeling her breath so close and her arm around her waist. After a few minutes, she managed to feel the direction of the song through the sound caused by the bass strings. It was not a strong song like the ones Bada used to compose; this seemed to be a melancholic song more of the kind that Seoyoung composed.

“Is it a sad song?” Jessica asked with her eyes fixed on her own fingers as she played the bridge of the song without Bada's help. "It gives me a feeling of anguish.”

      “I haven't written the lyrics yet; I only have the instrumental” Bada answered, sliding her arm out from Jessica's waist until she left her hand on her back. "But I don't want it to be a sad song” she then added in a whisper. 

     “And what do you want it to be?” Jessica stopped playing the bass and turned her gaze to Bada, who was already looking at her. 

     “I don't know yet, but I think it's going to be a stupid love song.” Jessica laughed, and Bada thought it was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard, so she also smiled with her heart pounding hard against her chest.

A while back, Bada began to worry about the sudden path his thoughts began to take regarding Jessica. Bada had always been a physical person, with her family, especially her sisters, and when Jessica came into her life, she inevitably started to be physical with her too. The girl accepted any physical act she gave her and even sought out her touch as well. After all, they were best friends. That was the thought Bada had for a while. Until two weeks ago, when she found herself feeling little butterflies in her stomach every time Jessica gave her a kiss on the cheek or when she suddenly took her hand as they walked down the street. Bada tried to stop her thoughts and sort them out, to limit herself to hiding her reactions and try to see her coherent side, but simply nothing worked because she always found herself thinking about Jessica many times a day—about the tan color of her skin and the thick brown lips with a slight hint of pink. 

     “Five dollars for your thoughts.”

Suddenly Bada came out of her thoughts when Jessica's words reached her ears. She wanted to reply but didn't know how to explain to her best friend the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach nonstop, so she simply looked at Jessica straight in the eyes. The girl frowned as she noticed the sudden distressed look Bada was giving her.

      “Are you okay, Bada?" She asked and directed her right hand to her best friend's cheek. “You can tell me anything you want; you know that.” She gave a soft smile to reassure Bada a little, but even then the girl didn't say anything.

     Jessica stared at Bada still with a smile, waiting for her to say something, but instead she watched the girl slowly lean towards her hesitantly until their noses touched. They looked at each other for a moment until Jessica, by inertia, closed her eyes, and Bada took it as an affirmation to move closer, until their lips lightly brushed, staying like that for a few seconds. Then it was Jessica who cut the minimal distance, capturing Bada's lips shyly. Neither of them moved for long seconds; although it wasn't Bada's first kiss, it was Jessica's first, and they both knew it, so the older one didn't want to ruin Bae Dal's first experience. And Jessica didn't want to ruin things with her inexperience.

“Bada Lee you know, wher..." the door’s basement suddenly opened, causing the two girls to separate and turn around. "Sorry to interrupt” Taeyoung blurted out with wide eyes and an amused smile on her face. Seconds later, she turned to run out of Bada and Jessica's sight. 

      “Taeyoung come here!” Bada immediately got up and ran after her younger sister, leaving Jessica on the couch with a frantic heart. 

     Without a second thought, Jessica stood up, left the bass on the couch, grabbed her backpack, and then left the basement. She didn't bump into anyone on her walk through the house to the front door, and she was thankful to that; she didn't want anyone to see her flushed face or ask why she was leaving in such a hurry. She arrived at the bus station with bated breath, and it wasn't until she was on the seats with the air in her face that she was able to think things through clearly.

Bada Lee; her best friend, had kissed her. What was that supposed to mean? The question ran through her mind all day; even Pope had asked her if she was okay when he caught her staring at a point on the wall countless times. She didn't say anything though, preferring to keep the event to herself and Bada, as well as to Taeyoung, who had discovered them. 

     “Jessi” Pope called her with the phone in his hand. "Bada is on the line.”

     A little hesitantly, she left the last chair on the table and walked to the man, wiped her hands with her apron, and then picked up the phone and placed it against her ear. At first, she said nothing, but after a few seconds, she took a long breath. 

     “Hey Bada.”

     “Hey Dalbit” Bada called her in an excited voice. “We are about to leave the house, and my parents wanted to know if you need us to pick you up at the restaurant. The girls and I want you to be at sound check."

“Uhm” she thought about it for a few seconds thinking about denying it and making the excuse that she wasn't feeling very well. However, if Bada was acting so normal, why couldn't she do it? “Yeah sure my shift is over; I'll just change and wait for you.”

     “Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes. I love you, Dal.”

     The call ended after Bada's words, and with a sigh, Jessica took off her apron and then headed to the area where she kept her backpack. She walked to the bathroom to wash her face and change out of her waitress uniform into light baggy jeans and a white t-shirt. When she was ready, she slung her backpack over her shoulder and walked to the exit of the restaurant. 

     “See you tomorrow Pope” she said with a smile, that the man reciprocated without hesitation.

The cold air hit her body, so she immediately put on the black bomber jacket she had stolen from Bada's closet that morning. It was half past nine in the evening, and the first blizzards of winter were beginning to show. Lazily, she sat on the sidewalk, looking up at the full moon that night, as she thought about what face she would make when she saw Bada again. She didn't have much time to think, though, because thirty minutes later the Lee family car parked in front of her.

      “Do you want a ride, pretty girl?” Seoyoung said to her in the back seats with her head out and an amused smile. Jessica suspected that Taeyoung had said something to her. 

      “Only if you're my guide” she replied with the same flirtatious tone as she sat next to Seoyoung, under Bada's teasing look at the fake flirting between her best friend and sister.

The ride to the bar was chaotic, the sisters' father had put on a tape of the girls' favorite band, and they had been singing the whole way. Bada acted as if nothing had happened that morning, and Jessica did the same. They talked as usual, sang together as they usually did; they treated each other like the best friends they were. Once they arrived at the bar, they carefully put down their instruments. As soon as they entered, they were greeted by the owner of the place, who greeted them with a huge smile and led them to the stage. Almost immediately, Seoyoung sat on the bench behind the drum set with an excited smile and bright eyes at the sight of the almost new instrument. Taeyoung sat on the stage, ready to take her time to tune her guitar. And Bada, along with Jessica, took care of connecting all the wires with the help of the sisters' parents. 

      “I brought my camera to take some pictures of you” Jessica murmured to Bada as she pulled out the little old camera her aunt had given her for her birthday. “I was thinking we could develop some pictures and send them to some music company, invite them to your events because I think after today a lot of people are going to start looking for you.”

Bada couldn't help but smile as she watched the excitement on Jessica's face. The girl had always been her biggest supporter and the one who supported them first and foremost, so it had been quite easy for her to see herself falling in love with her, had indeed been like a muscle memory. 

     “Look, Bads, a lot of people are starting to arrive!” Seoyoung reached the table where Jessica and Bada were sitting. “Tonight is going to be our night, I'm sure.”

     And Seoyoung was right. The owner's daughter's birthday was attended by many, many people, and since the bar had not been closed for the event, regulars had also come. The sisters played five of their own songs that night, and when the audience asked for more, they couldn't refuse; then they also dropped a cover or two of some of the most famous bands of the moment. 

     Jessica had her arm linked with the girls' mother the whole night. She felt her heart beating stronger with every song Taeyoung sang, with every beat Seoyoung gave to the toms, and with every look Bada gave her while playing the bass.

And Bada on stage felt like rage ran through her body with every chord she played. She felt like the fear of the first time playing in front of so many people no longer existed, and now she could say that she was capable of anything. That's why once they got off the stage, after hugging her parents and sisters, she took Jessica's hand and slipped through the crowd that congratulated her, until she reached the bathroom of the bar. 

     “You were amazing Bada Lee” Jessica said, hugging her friend tightly. But Bada grabbed her arms and pulled her away from her body. 

     “Sorry for telling you this in a bar bathroom, but if I don't, then I'm never going to feel brave enough to say it again.” Jessica frowned in confusion. “I like you, Bae Dal, and this morning's kiss only make me realize that I love you more than just as a friend.”

Jessica smiled slightly, her eyes suddenly began to crystallize and without thinking she cupped Bada's cheeks and stood on her tiptoes to press their lips. A long time ago Bada had gotten taller but it wouldn't be an impediment to kissing her. A little surprised Bada frowned but immediately rested her hands on Jessica's neck and reciprocated the kiss. Jessica was a little clumsy but that was the least of it, Bada didn't mind any of that. After a few seconds they both needed to breathe so Jessica was the first to pull back.

    “I like you too Bada Lee, I've liked you since high school.”

˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗

Jessica closed her eyes as she remembered that special night and all the feelings that came over her with that first kiss. The fear of not being reciprocated, the excitement of Bada being the first person in her life, she had many different emotions that day, but they had all been worth it by the end of the night. 

“That night was…” Jessica tried to talk, but she couldn’t find the right words.

     “Jessica, are you still in love with Bada Lee?” the girl asked. Jessica looked at her with a soft smile. 

     “I've been in love with Bada Lee since I was fourteen, and i will love her my whole life.”

˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗

Tag list: @jofiels-world @badasgirlfriend @zhivaxo

It’s been a long time coming for… jk.

[milkyaa-krystal]

Rafayel Love and Deepspace

Rafayel's paintings always leave a profound impression on people. Most of his paintings are centered on Lemuria, a civilization conceived by the oceans. His art style is like an inferno—passionate and fiery. He has a unique and particular approach to his work and a distinctive viewpoint on art. It's said that he makes his own paints and must find a color he likes before he begins painting. He set up Mo Art Studio in Whitesand Bay. It's his private art studio in Linkon City.

𓆩♡𓆪 Appearance: Rafayel is a tall young man with dusky purple hair, blue/pink eyes, and fair skin. He is typically seen wearing a white shirt and white or dark pants.

𓆩♡𓆪 About Him: Age: 24 - Height: 6 ft 183 cm - Birthday: March 6th - Sign: Pisces -Job: Artist - Evol: Fire - Workplace: Mo Art Studio

𓆩♡𓆪 Name Variations: CN: Qi Yu (祁煜) - JP: Homura (ホムラ) - KR: Ki Wook (기욱)

Word from Milkyaa Krystal:

♡  He reacts a lot like a child, I call him the king to sulk but it’s part of his charm. We feel that he is afraid of abandonment and it makes you want to take care of him when Mr. frowns, it makes me crack even more and attention behind his appearance to play the child when he becomes serious... I crack even more. (♡˙︶˙♡)

[t-u-i-t-c]

evil for me to never have been told about casual ryoga

[peirres-play-place]

🌸🍑Ⓐⓑⓞⓤⓣ ⓜⓔ🍑🌸

Ⓛⓘⓚⓔⓢ

🌸🍑Fav color: peach🍑🌸

🌸🍑Fav food: cereal! (Specifically peanut butter captain crunch)🍑🌸

Ⓗⓞⓑⓑⓘⓔⓢ

🌸🍑I love drawing and often do it whenever I get the chance! Either spending hours on it or just a simple doodle! I REALLY like to draw during class, it's when I'm most productive. I do it mostly in science, math, and history. And if you couldn't tell, it's what my blogs about. I would also love if you could reblog my art! I'm fine with likes, but reblogs help my art be seen by others! I'm not very.....popular online...(or irl) so likes and reblogs are VERY appreciated🍑🌸

🌸🍑I also REALLY love writing! I'll take requests too!🍑🌸

Ⓘ ⓁⓄⒶⓉⒽ

🌸🍑I HATE so many things. I'm gonna list em!🍑🌸

🌸🍑I hate gender stereotypes, often happening in school where people tell me I have to like things because I'm a girl or smth. Apparently I HAVE to "LOVE" pink and dresses and gossiping about love interests. (AROACE) and Apparently I'm not allowed to be friends with guys or non binary people or I like them. (Which I DONT) and no, I'm not hating on girls who actually like these kinds of things, I'm simply just venting about my experiences.🍑🌸

🌸🍑I HATE lgbt discrimination! Everybody should be allowed to be what they want to be! It shouldn't matter about their gender or identity! All that should matter is that they are happy! This is going to lead to my next hate.🍑🌸

🌸🍑People telling me who I (ME) should like. People for some reason DO NOT respect the fact that I am aroace. I even explain to people what it means, ns yet they STILL continue to deny it. They ship me with people, say I'm dating somebody, and saying that i CANT have platonic relationships.🍑🌸

(Sorry about venting >^<)

Ⓔⓧⓣⓡⓐ ⓘⓝⓕⓞ

🌸🍑Minor🍑🌸

🌸🍑BAND KID! I play trumpet and alto saxophone!🍑🌸

🌸🍑Im the ART KID🍑🌸

🌸🍑And the WRITING KID!🍑🌸

🌸🍑I go by THEY/THEM. I am nonbinary guys.🍑🌸

🌸🍑But I will accept she/him. I just prefer they/them🍑🌸

🌸🍑I am an introvert!🍑🌸

🌸🍑Im 5'4! (Kinda tallish?)🍑🌸

🌸🍑I LOVE music BLASTING into my ears, but I HATE loud social interactions🍑🌸

🌸🍑(Ironic right?)🍑🌸

🌸🍑I LOVE any sort of baggy clothing. I wear sweaters everyday. (Even in the summer)🍑🌸

🌸🍑I have blueish grey eyes.🍑🌸

🌸🍑(They sometimes are more green some days, kr more blue, or more grey. It depends on what I'm wearing)🍑🌸

🌸🍑I hope you have a great time on my blog!🍑🌸

🌸🍑Feel free to dm me on my discord🍑🌸

🌸🍑Peirre_lafayette🍑🌸

🌸🍑If you are an adult please don't though.🍑🌸

🌸🍑If you are having a bad day, feel free to talk to me!🍑🌸

🍑🌸Have a fantastic day🌸🍑

[gamchawizzy]

"Look Into My Eyes.", a Byrgenwerth Trio-inspired playlist

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦, 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺…𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴.

This was a playlist I made a long time ago while I was figuring out characterising my headcanons for the Byrgenwerth Trio (Micolash, Rom, and Laurence). It eventually sort of morphed itself into becoming a partly-cohesive story. Maybe some of you guys might want to hear it.

All the songs added in are either 1. the lyrics fit the characters/story or 2. the melody adds to the atmosphere

Anyway songs and interpretations under cut if you like reading that stuff. I did my best to make it as chronological/sensible as I could but feel free to suggest any rearranging!

Photo credit: Portrait of Raskolnikov by Samanyu Sharma ( flic . kr/p/5fxXGf )

Astronauts - Rom is the butt of everyone's jokes, the one who struggles the most in class. Maybe she is better off not having gone to Byrgenwerth at all. Maybe she should've stuck to being a countryside florist. Maybe she's dragging the others down. The best she can do is keep her head down and push forward. She's lost a little bit of herself along the way, but that's okay. She knows they'll be proud of her in the end.

Now I close my eyes, my ears and start to walk forward. I can't hear your voice, and can't see your smiles, but it's fine.

Clair de Lune - Ok no brainer since the name translates to "Moonlight", but I imagine this is what Byrgenwerth in its glory days would "feel" like. Classy, sophisticated, and a little lonely. Every student is on their own at the end of the day, after all. It's an unspoken race.

Take It From Me - Still very Rom-themed! Also flower-themed lyrics. Finding friendship in Micolash and Laurence. School is hard but life goes on. They're helping create a future for humanity after all.

Trinity Eye - Laurence this time, being a young determined man who knows his research is right. If only the school wasn't so opposed to the blood. Willem's teachings and his early findings about Flora, the Moon Presence keep clashing and have made him cynical.

Can you feel my rage? I'll go again: go against the light It towers all amongst the stars at night, between the trinity eye Everything stops and starts again when I feel your heart In a minute can we go again? Go against the light

I Should Be Allowed To Think - Definitely both Micolash and Laurence. Brilliant minds who seem to be asphyxiated by the very institution they come from.

Hey Moon - Laurence finding solace in the moon, knowing the Moon Presence is out there, somewhere, somehow… Being a foreigner in this strange city is lonely. The only constant he has is the moon.

Stars - More Rom because I love her. I think she grows closer to Micolash. Similar ideas and sweetness in their friendship. I like that this song combines both of their motifs - stars and flowers.

Sleepwalk With Me - Hints of one-sided Mico/Rom, chattering into the wee hours…

Manta Rays - More Mico/Rom :33c My Mico is ace/greyaro so this is more of a queerplatonic bond-type of situation. Feelings are so weird for him hahah

ocean eyes - Mico/Rom. I've headcanoned that Rom's always had a lot of insight! A bit of clairvoyance, too, seeing a future Micolash and a ruined Yharnam.

Antigravity - Micolash gaining more insight, his research pushing him to new heights. Eyes open.

I Wish I Was The Moon - The research wears Rom out. Overworked, underpaid, alone - She wishes she could stop. Wishes she could sleep forever, but she can't. Not when she's so close.

Bringing It Down - Shortly after the Fishing Village incident. Micolash witnessing the lies of his colleagues finally falling apart, particularly Rom, Laurence, and even Maria. It makes him even more embittered towards them. Rom most of all - she isn't as innocent as she seemed. Her moral grandstanding meant nothing. They're all in this damned mess together now.

Asleep, and Unwell - Both are for Rom! As she draws closer to ascension, having either been blessed by Kos, or having "used" her - Rom is slowly having the realisation that maybe ascension isn't all that what it's cracked up to be. Doesn't seem worth it from what she's had to go through. Now she's alone and friendless once more. But it's starting now, and she can do little but wait.

Misery Fell - Laurence introducing Blood Healing to the public. No more of that classist education. No more of those expensive medicines. Blood is free.

Evil Eye - DEFINITELY Micolash coded song, I think this is when he gets his own school. Now he's a big shot. Sure, Laurence is bigger, and still hates him. He knows it and gloats over it.

Spleen - Rom probably on 100 insight at that point and spouting prophecies and nonsensical blabber while she is locked away in Byrgenwerth.

Andromeda's Eyes - Kinda self explanatory. Rom's full name is definitely Andromeda in my canon lmao. I think she's fully ascended into Kin at this point. Laurence and Mico know she's finally achieved perfection and visit her for one last time. Willem is still blabbing away at how they've gone and thrown Yharnam to the dogs.

Puzzles, and What's He Building? - Both Micolash themed ambiences.

Don't Stop - Laurence at the height of his power as the Vicar.

Who Will Save You Now - Micolash descending into madness as he's turning the entire school rogue against the Church.

Fresh Blood - Mostly just Yharnam-themed. After the ashen blood, the beginnings of the beastly scourge. A lot of the first victims to beast attacks are most likely women of the night.

New Person, Same Old Mistakes - Micolash tamping out the last bits of his humanity and memories, justifying it all with the grift that he comes to believe himself.

Dark Matter - Mensis Ritual! aka the Cool Micolash moment. I imagine at the end of this the Wet Nurse emerges from the cosmos as Micolash is in the eye of a swirling nightmare, enveloping him and his colleagues

Give Me A Sign - Micolash is still praying to Kos, but she doesn't seem to hear him…

Glass Spiders - Rom kind of just. Mourning her friendships

Volatile Times - Laurence as he slowly falls sick to the scourge. I think the word "volatile" fits the situation so well - everything is literally on fire at this point. Soon enough, even Laurence himself.

Where Owls Know My Name - It's lonely at the top. Having ascended into Kin, Rom now exists on a different plane.

Waste of The Moon - More Rom regrets!! If you haven't noticed at this point I love making this story revolve around everyone having regrets

Bloodstream - Sad Laurence moment where he has a "conversation" with the Moon Presence. He can't go where she is.

Let It Burn - More sad Laurence! His hopes for humanity, his soul, and Yharnam - they all burn. The Great Ones, The Moon Presence - they all do not hear him.

Hurt - Micolash, alone in the Nightmare. No one hears him too. He's too far gone into what he's done. He's had regrets too. Too bad he'll never quite internalise it.

Those Were The Days - Just looking back at old Byrgenwerth days.

ECNALUBMA - MERGO IS HERE IT'S SILLY TIME AGAIN. I know everyone's dead but I think it'd be funny if "the men in fancy uniforms" were the other students. "Marry me and be my wife" sounds so funny too, I think he'd say that to Wet Nurse and she would visibly shudder

Evening Harmony - Rom as she ponders the state of Yharnam now and what's become of her former friends.

For The Departed - Laurence as he transforms into the Cleric Beast.

The Irremediable - Another one of Rom's prophecies and/or incoherent ramblings. A damned man descending endless, bannisterless stairs, Going lampless down the brink of a pit Whose stench betrays its watery depths, Where slimy monsters glare With great phosphorescent eyes That deepen the darkness of the night And make nothing but themselves visible

Curses - Laurence in the Hunter's Nightmare.

Lost At Sea - Rom in her dying moments, knowing Micolash will soon be next.

Bright College Days - A farewell to Byrgenwerth memories.

Mirror Man - yeah it's another Mico song

Blood - Of course

Eternity and A Day - Really just end credits, but also The Hunter (Luce) as he is trapped in the Nightmare with the strange man with the cage on his head, the odd bespectacled man who shares drinks with him, the mysterious winged figure, and the most unnerving being of all - the invisible baby.

[myauditionfordrphil]

Gentle reminder: it's Independence Day but not a happy one.

How can I go around celebrating freedom when our women still don't have the freedom of wearing what they want, going out at night kr even choosing their own career because their safety can be compromised anywhere at anytime with minimum consequences.

78 years ago we became free from the British, but unfortunately we still haven't gained freedom.